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Archive for July, 2007

My misery has enjoyed company
And although I have ached
I don’t threaten anybody
Sometimes I feel more bigness than I’ve shared with you
Sometimes I wonder why I quell when I’m not required to
I’ve tried to be small I’ve tried to be stunted
I’ve tried roadblocks and all
My happy endings prevented
Sometimes I feel it’s all just too big [...]

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You’re unsure and you’re not ready so that must mean I want you
You’re unavailable and disinterested and to you I look for comfort
A million times in a million ways I will try to change you
A million months and a million days I’ll try to somehow convince you
I have waited for you and adjusted for [...]

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For hearing all my doubts so selectively and
For continuing my numbing love endlessly.
For helping you and myself: not even considering
For beating myself up and over functioning.
To whom do I owe the biggest apology?
No one’s been crueller than I’ve been to me.
For letting you decide if I indeed was desirable
For myself love being so embarrassingly [...]

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You and me we’re cut from the same cloth
It seems to some we famously get along
But you and me are strangers to each other
Cuz you and me: competitive to the bone
Such tragedy to trample on each other with how much we’ve endured
With the state this land is in
You and me feel joined only by [...]

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Who
Who am I to be blue
Look at my family and fortune
Look at my friends and my house
Who
Who am i to feel deadend
Who am i to feel spent
Look at my health and my money
And where
Where do i go to feel good
Why do i still look outside me
When clearly i’ve seen it won’t work
Is it my [...]

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I had disengaged to avoid being totaled
I would run away and say good riddance, soon enough
I had grown disgusted by your small-minded ceiling
Imagine myself bolting had not been difficult
Soon be my life
Soon be my pace
Soon be my choice of which you’ll have no part of
Unprodigial daughter and I’m heading for the west
Disenchanted daughter and [...]

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You’ve been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
Can’t go to you for consolation
Cause we’re off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And i can’t stop bumping into things
I thought we’d be simple together
I thought we’d be happy together
Thought we’d be limitless together
I thought we’d be precious together
But i [...]

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If it weren’t for your maturity none of this would have happened
If you weren’t so wise beyond your years I would’ve been able to control myself
If it weren’t for my attention you wouldn’t have been successful and
If it weren’t for me you would never have amounted to very much
Ooh this could be messy
But you [...]

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do you go to the dungeon to find out how to make peace with your days in the dungeon writing a letter
to you didn’t make me feel any more peaceful then how I felt when we weren’t speaking because I
didn’t cop to what I did. I can’t love you because we’re supposed to have [...]

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i’ve seen them kneel
with baited breath for the ritual
i’ve watched this experience raise
them to pseudo higher levels
i’ve watched them leave their families
in pursuit of your nirvana
i’ve seen them coming to line up
from switzerland to america
how long will this take baba
how long have we been sleeping
do you see me hanging on to
every word you say
how [...]

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